Trash v. Treasure

I recently got into a debate with Ryan's fellow coworkers on reading. The question that was posed was "Is it ever okay to read trash?" We gave trash a pretty broad definition, but basically trash to us was something non-academic, non-informative, unrecognized in respected literature stratas, and anything you might hide from your mother.

I am a proponent of trash reading. Let me also say that I am a proponent of reading in general. I think it's good to read anything and everything, trash included. I'll read anything and everything, from the scholarly to Us Weekly and its ilk. I study the history of British architecture right along with the architecture of Brad Pitt's new French chateau.

I believe everything has value, National Enquirers and smutty romances included.

Especially smutty romances.

I have mentioned my addiction to all things of the romantic persuasion before, but now, more than ever I feel the need to share the joys of juicy prose.

Here are the ten reason why I can give up the romance novels, and why I think you should grab one too:

1. Guaranteed happy ending. Ever read one of Oprah's depressing selections? Combat the urge to slit your wrists with a romantic read.

2. In what other situation do you legitimately get to drool over sculpted physiques, tight buttocks, and sexy hair?

3. British history lessons a bonus. I've learned about the Bow Street Runners, Parliament Procedures and reforms, and the history of industrialization and inventions all while drooling over above buttocks.

4. Where else can you read the word "manroot," and "hardened shaft"; or about "globes of deliciousness" and "creamy mounds"? NOWHERE, folks. That is writing at its pinnacle.

5. I can read a whole book in a couple hours.

6. I make my sister read the books then we discuss them.

Me: What did you think about "The Lustful Lord?"

Sis: I don't know that it was better than "The Desirous Damsel," but, you know, I really could envision the wrath he felt. If only his mother had loved him . . .

Me: Yeah. I know. Then maybe Lady Lydia wouldn't have broken his heart when she didn't bake him a birthday cake . . .

7. Cheaper than going out to eat. You can buy a good romantic read for $5.99 (not including the fabulous Barnes & Noble discount!).

8. The covers make great conversation starters. Whether it's Fabio himself or the florid curly title of "The Scandalous Scotsman" that graces the cover, you'll always attract attention when you whip one out of your purse. Especially at church--not that I'd recommend that.

9. What else would you use to start a fire in the wilderness? If you're lost while camping there's no way you're going to rip out pages of your hardbound edition of Pride & Prejudice. Instead, you'll turn to your Harlequin, whisper a hushed "thanks for the memories," and let each page of "The Wicked Warrior" warm your body as it did your heart.

10. It can enhance, er, uh, your relationship with your significant other. Note: even if you think you have the most amazing romantic relationship with your partner ever and you would never need to read about romance because you two are already the most romantic people ever first of all I hate you and second of all you are wrong because you can get some rockin' tips from a romance novel so hah!

Seriously folks, trash is treasure. My academic books give me knowledge, but my romance books give me meaning. But as Lavar Burton always said, "Don't take my word for it." Go out and get yourself one today.